Secrets of Sylvia

There's been more drama at work. A girl is quitting, and while she first agreed to stay until the company found a replacement for her, she got tired of the uncertainty of everything (it helps to have a date when you'll be flying across the globe to get back home) and the boss' constant, "I can't give a date." There's plenty of applicants, but boss lady wants to find that "perfect fit" for the company...which is understandable.

I get both sides of the story, but neither really knows--if you tell me "this stays between us", it stays between us. I don't want to spread gossip--and sometimes you just need a good vent and you really don't mean everything you're saying at the time. I understand that, so I don't go around, "She said this..." and blablabla.

Both aren't totally honest about what's happening. Both are at fault to some degree.

Anyhow, boss lady was totally stressed and I felt bad for her, so I agreed to stay longer (though I'm supposed to be released from contract early) if a replacement for the other girl isn't found before she bails out (she done bought a ticket home and gave a final date).

So my life is in total limbo right now. Will I be staying longer? Will I be going home? Will I have enough time to buy tickets without having to pay outrageous prices?

Then there's the whole fact that if I stay, I'll be moving to another city to fill in for this other girl. So...within two months, I could be making two major moves.

But I haven't been complaining about this, because I really don't want the company to fail (no matter how stressed I get about it) and I want everything to end on a good note.

But everyone else is digging up all this drama!

Seriously, people. Can't we all just act like civilized, grown-ups for a few months until all this clears up?

Oh, and I've been trying to get on my husband to do something about his degree (the one my employer lost). He inquired to the school about getting another one, with no success. They can only issue a duplicate, which will say, "Duplicate" right on it.

On Thursday, he'll be bringing this up to boss lady to see if she'll call immigration to make sure it's not there still or something. I mean, it's a long shot, but who knows?

I haven't posted in a long time...not that I didn't want to post anything, or that I didn't have anything to vent about, but mostly things I want to write about get tiresome for readers, I'm sure, because I just want to complain. So, sorry about that.

In case you haven't noticed, I have a lot of issues with the company I work for. Particularly, one of the bosses I work for. I have this love/hate thing for her. I sympathize with her when things are piling up on her, but I want to scream at the top of my lungs when I see how manipulative she is. The thing is, we're a lot alike...and there's so many things that I see in her that I don't like about myself. But these things that I realize are limiting and tend to hurt people in the long run, she tends to view as virtues in her.

I know, I'm vague, which is confusing, but perhaps you can get an idea of how strange and confusing this situation for me is. Anyhow, this definitely isn't a healthy relationship, so it's time for me to move on with my life.

So I'll be returning to America as soon as Boss Lady finds a replacement for me.

So now what? What am I going to do with my life? I really don't know.

To tell the truth, it's exciting--I mean I could take so many different paths from here. At the same time, I'm terribly frightened.

Mostly, I'm frightened I won't ever really do anything with my life. I'll settle for something because I'm too scared to take the risk on something I'm passionate about.

But first, the wait. I wish I at least knew when I was leaving so I could look into buying plane tickets. This whole "stay until we find a replacement" is turning out to be more stress than I thought it would be.