Secrets of Sylvia

It's a New Year, and I completely forgot about New Year's Resolutions. Not that I make them every year like some sort of ritual, but it usually crosses my mind, at least. Plus, it's an interesting topic to bring up in conversation classes.

But this year, I completely forgot about it. It didn't even cross my mind. Maybe it was that vacation I took? I went someplace warmer. There was lots of rain, but at least it was warmer. I didn't have to wear three layers of clothing to go out. Just jeans, a light shirt, and a light jacket. Could have used some better shoes--ones that don't leave my socks soaking wet at the end of the day. I broke down and bought a pair of flip flops, which just kept sticking to the wet ground, causing me to lose them with each step. Sort of embarrassing in the cross walks.

I did a lot of walking over break (had to--public transportation was lacking). The exercise was very nice. It made me feel good at the end of the day. It reminded me of college days when I'd walk everywhere because driving a car meant finding a parking space, which was pretty close to impossible.

So with the New Year, where am I mentally? Saying I was down for a while is a drastic understatement. Now I'm sort of in between. I have good days and I have bad days. It's hard not having anyone here I can really relate to. And it's really hard that one of the people I know is someone I really dislike and have grown to distrust. After how awful I was made to feel, I find myself regretting every minute with that person.

But the other night, something strange happened. We had a conversation where I almost felt like I was her friend. I almost felt mentally safe around her again. I keep telling myself to keep my distance, though. Whenever I get too close, I eventually feel betrayed.

On the up side, I suddenly have a ton of family members jumping onto Facebook. With the drastically different time zones, this makes it easier to keep in touch and get those little funny comments I miss hearing from my family. So, I feel at least somewhat more connected with home now. I've been trying to sign into Facebook at least once a day now (even if it's just for a few minutes). I won't let myself become addicted, though. With some people, it's way out of hand.

While on vacation, I was able to visit a big bookstore with a ton of books...in English! I stocked up on some, so I am relieved to have some good reading to last a while. Now, if I can only get myself back writing on a regular basis again. I was doing so good until that breakdown I had...