Secrets of Sylvia

So I go to dinner with these two other girls. We were planning to do work, but really didn't get around to much--which is okay. It's nice to just be out with girls only sometimes. And I've really been wanting some hang out time.

However, I can't help but notice how completely lame and unsociable I am with these two people. I just don't know what it is. I'm so hyper active around certain people. With others, though, it's hard for me to be like that. If I am, it's forced.

It's frustrating, because afterwards, I always sit and dwell on all the stupid things I said or the awkward silences I created because of my lack of social skills. At one point, I was asked to bring up any topic that I'd want to talk about and my mind blanked. I look like such a dork just trying to think of something to say.

I think these two people must think I'm lame, slow, a space case, and just unsociable and it frustrates me because I know there's this really likable person inside me who is full of energy and good at making people laugh...and when I'm around the right people, it just naturally bursts forth.

And it's not just because I'm tired--I'm always like this with this group of people.

Grrr...now I'm going to agonize about this. Why must I worry about everything?