Secrets of Sylvia

Long time, no post.

Not that I don't have anything to complain about to the vast void of internet out there, but I just haven't had my alone time lately to do it. It's just me and Jack, now.

And some saltine crackers.

And a glass of wine.

I tend to not eat so healthy on Friday nights. I get home, and I'm so relieved that the work week is over...I become this blob. I've been setting a goal to do something creative on Friday nights (when my husband works later than I do), but many times, I don't get around to it.

I have written a few songs, however. That's progress.

Really, though, I want to write a book. Or finish that fanfic I started way back in high school and still get e-mails about. I know, I'm such a nerd...I actually used to write fanfiction. How pathetic, right?

But don't worry--I quickly lost interest in fanfiction and became interested in doing some original writing.

I was obsessed.

Since then I've written a few plays, which have been performed. I've also taken writing classes and theater classes.

Oh, I'd love to be a writer/actress.

or a musician...but let's face it, there's no hope for me there. I just do it for therapeutic reasons. I can't really do music...but I am very passionate about it. Seriously, one could control me by placing a tiny IPOD in my brain. Choose the correct song and I will follow your command! Ah! But you must know me well enough to know what moves me.

Oh! I made such a nice discovery last week! I was so paranoid when I started this new job--I thought I was going nuts. My boss kept lecturing me about leaving the lights on. I would seriously get some nasty notes from her.

Now, I'm the annoying girl who usually gets scolded for turning the lights out when someone is still occupying the room--that's how habitual turning off lights is for me.

So, I thought I was going crazy. Why was I suddenly leaving lights on?!

But, then, last Thursday, my mind was put to ease. After doing my usual hours, I left for a dinner break before I came back to do make-up hours (which I don't usually do). I knew for sure I had turned the light off that time.

Anyhow, I came back for my make-up hours and guess what--that damn light was on! And the door wide open--I thought someone was in there, but the room was empty. Surely, someone started doing something, but was coming back shortly...right?

Nobody came back the entire time I was there...and my boss wasn't due to be there for a while afterwards. Somebody else was leaving those damn lights on. My boss would come in after I'd left, figure I was the last one who was supposed to be in that room, so assumed it was me.

But now I know that somebody else has been going in there after I leave. This has been such a relief to me...knowing that it wasn't my fault...that her scolds were unwarranted, especially if she didn't check to see if anyone else had decided to use that room after I had left.

Oh, those notes with the unhappy faces scribbled on them!

I haven't mentioned this to anyone else but my husband, who knows how much this has been bothering me. I haven't said anything to my boss.

For some reason, I don't feel the need to. It feels good enough just knowing that I didn't deserve that. I don't care if my boss knows. It's not like I'd receive an apology, anyway. I'd only get some sort of justification as to why I deserved the scolding.

That's my rant for the night.

So I go to dinner with these two other girls. We were planning to do work, but really didn't get around to much--which is okay. It's nice to just be out with girls only sometimes. And I've really been wanting some hang out time.

However, I can't help but notice how completely lame and unsociable I am with these two people. I just don't know what it is. I'm so hyper active around certain people. With others, though, it's hard for me to be like that. If I am, it's forced.

It's frustrating, because afterwards, I always sit and dwell on all the stupid things I said or the awkward silences I created because of my lack of social skills. At one point, I was asked to bring up any topic that I'd want to talk about and my mind blanked. I look like such a dork just trying to think of something to say.

I think these two people must think I'm lame, slow, a space case, and just unsociable and it frustrates me because I know there's this really likable person inside me who is full of energy and good at making people laugh...and when I'm around the right people, it just naturally bursts forth.

And it's not just because I'm tired--I'm always like this with this group of people.

Grrr...now I'm going to agonize about this. Why must I worry about everything?

First off, a moment of silence for "Reading Rainbow."

Alright. So, now that that's out of the way, I'd like to bring up that I've been experimenting with a new computer. A cheap computer, but a new one. And really small--I can carry it with me to work.

I've been having some problems with it. I really hate windows. Seriously, it annoys the inertia out of me. So, I use Ubuntu, which runs off a linux platform. So much better, except....

There's ALWAYS a butt load of tweaking to go on. I usually enjoy this, but man, I just don't have time with this job. I don't have "tweak ubuntu" or "learn linux" time. I wish I did. I really, really do, because I love it...but, at this point in time, it's frustrating me.

I've formatted this computer a second time already. Everytime I think it's working, I click on the updates icon and the one of the updates screws up the computer again.

Seriously. The updates are supposed to be fixing bugs, right? This means, more tweaking. Grrr...

So now I growl at Jack. I named my computer Jack. He seems like a Jack. Maybe like a jack-o-lantern because of fall. Or a jacka$$...

Not sure which, yet.

So, I haven't been posting much due to tweakage taking place...and banging my head against the desk.